Monday, August 23, 2010

An Evening with Sutton Foster


Perhaps the highlight of my summer so far came last night as I watched Sutton Foster perform live on the Berkshire Theatre Festival’s Main Stage. Manning the CD table might not have landed me a padded seat on the front row, but it definitely had its perks. A VIP pass, yummy hors d’oeuvres, and a snapshot with Miss Foster all came with the deal, not to mention a quick conversation while she signed my copy of her newly released CD, Wish.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with this triple-threat actress, she has been blessed with an exceptional career on Broadway. She’s probably most known for her Tony Award-winning performance in the original production of Thoroughly Modern Millie. She’s also played leading roles in Little Women, Shrek: the Musical, The Drowsy Chaperone, and Young Frankenstein.

Her performance last night was at once both thoroughly entertaining and completely mesmerizing. I had no idea she was so funny. Song after song left us laughing, crying, or just plain happy. She possesses the rare ability to turn the emotional tide of a moment on a dime. One minute she’s cracking jokes and belting higher than humanly possible, and the next she’s quiet and vulnerable, singing a gorgeous ballad. Sutton Foster is an incredible vocalist, arguably one of the best, but her facility with story-telling is what sets her apart.

In my time here at BTF, a common thread I have found among the most talented performers is their ability to be still on stage. The actors who most hold my attention in a suspension of disbelief carry with them an ease that marks a true professional. They are not afraid to simply exist on stage, without any seeming obligation to an emotion or movement. Sutton Foster, Jayne Atkinson, Lisa Emery, James Lloyd Reynolds, and Brandy Caldwell have all taught me the importance of freedom in voice and body. In a conversation with Lisa Emery after her opening night performance as Claire in Edward Albee’s A Delicate Balance, I eagerly inquired about her preferred acting technique. Her response was simply, “I just try to breathe.”

Probably the most valuable lesson I will take away from my summer at BTF is the absolutely fixed connection between breath and emotion. It is amazing what can be discovered where there is freedom in the breath and body. Our center or “gut” holds the seat of our emotions, which doesn’t lie far from our heart and lungs. It shouldn’t be surprising then that what we feel comes out of the same place as does our breath, our blood, and our impulses. A deep breath from the center also has a way of bringing clarity to the mind, which naturally releases a freedom in the body. Our bodies are such complex creatures, and the more I learn about them, the more I see how everything works together. No part is exclusive. We operate the way we were intended to operate when we are free of tension. Maybe that’s why God told us not to worry.

Sutton Foster wasn’t the first person to demonstrate a freedom in stillness on stage this summer, but for some reason she helped me put the pieces together. I appreciated her candor, and admired her artistry, but my evening with Sutton Foster taught me far more about myself and the artist I want to become. And hopefully that truth will help set me free.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

One Fine Day






Biscuits and Gravy: $3.50
Starbucks: $5
Ski lift: $9
Alpine Slide: $9 (plus some elbow grease)
Conversation and View on top of Jiminy Peak: Priceless

I spent a recent day off with a few new friends. It was refreshing for all of us, and very much needed. We had an amazing breakfast together, and then headed up to Jiminy Peak, a ski lodge not too far away. We rode the ski lift up the mountain, and this was the view. After an amazing 2 hour conversation, we rode the lift back down and rode the "Alpine Slide," a fun ride which resembled a bobsled, except without snow. This little gem of a day has helped recharge my "spiritual" batteries, and I thank God for other believers in the business!


Sarah Garrett (left), Me, Tanya Dougherty (right of center), Michael Brahce (right)

Monday, August 16, 2010

No Place Like Home

12 days to go. 12 days left of unwelcome spiders. 12 days left of mosquito bites. 12 days left of not sleeping in my own bed. 12 days left of no air conditioning. 12 days left to spend with new friends. 12 days left until I see old friends. 12 days until HOME!

It’s hard to believe our time at BTF is coming to a close. One apprentice has already left to return to school, and it seems that we are saying goodbye to various staff members everyday now. It is the beginning of the end.

As I walked through the streets of downtown Stockbridge today, I thought back to the first time I ever drove through it. What was once very unknown is now engraved in my memory. What at first seemed aloof and strange is now no more unfamiliar than the old stomping grounds of home. But home, it is not. At least not for me.

It’s hard for me to understand how a period of time can go by so fast and slow at the same time. In one way I feel like I just arrived, and in another way it seems like I’ve been here forever. I’m always trying to rush time, and then I look back and wonder how it got here so fast. As I look forward to going home, I am striving to cherish every day that I have left, as I know that I’ll always treasure this time of my life. So many memories. So many friends. So many blessings. But so many bugs…

It’s Theatre Camp for grown-ups. And believe me, it’s not for the faint of heart. We’ve all done things this summer we never thought we could do, not the least of which includes surviving our living quarters. Anyone who’s ever been to the Lavan Center knows exactly what I’m talking about, and for those of you who haven’t, just imagine an old campground converted into an insane asylum that was abandoned about 20 years ago.

We still have a couple of weeks left, which are filled to the brim with activities. From Master Classes, to Suzuki, to Yoga, to Linklater, to rehearsals, to nightly performances, to our approaching Showcase, we don’t have much downtime scheduled before we leave. That’s a good thing, though. It’s good for me to be busy. I’m much more productive that way, and it will keep my mind off of the fact that I miss home. I have 12 days left of my apprenticeship, and it’s my mission to make each one of them count.

Just for the record, I really have enjoyed my time here in Stockbridge. It’s been an amazing summer, and I have learned so much. There’s no part of me that regrets spending my summer with the Berkshire Theatre Festival. But Dorothy said it best. There’s just no place like home.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Personal Inventory

My thoughts have been unusually introspective recently, so I thought I’d jot down some of the things I’ve been pondering. Discovery is a large part of the creative process, and I find it helpful to reflect on things that I notice about myself. Self-awareness allows for improvement and evaluation, both of which are necessary for progress. So for what it’s worth, here are some of my observations:

I am most definitely a kinesthetic learner. I understand something best when I can do it myself and flesh it out in my body. I do not easily retain information that I only hear. It takes much more concentration. Just ask my boyfriend.

I need a creative outlet. You might think this whole summer would be one big creative outlet, but believe it or not, I need a splash of variety once in a while. A creative change opens up doors that I wouldn’t otherwise recognize.

I need hydration and rest to function well. Period.

I hate feeling rushed.

I hate waking up. I always have, I probably always will.

I don’t work well without pressure.

I tend to snowball my worries, which apparently profits nothing.

I can be funny, and am (slowly) learning the art of comic timing.

I am often “typed” (otherwise known as type-casted) as the Best Friend, Quirky Kid, and Teacher/Mom. Seems to be a strange combination, but I’m still looking for a thread.

I need alone time.

I am learning how to prioritize. (Though I don’t think I’ll ever master this one.)

I still care far too much about what people think about me.

But probably the most important lesson I’m learning this summer is to LET GO. Anyone who really knows me knows that I am a bit of a control freak. I like to know exactly what’s expected of me, accomplish it well, and check it off my list. It’s incredibly difficult for me not to worry or get stressed out about little things. Part of the problem is that I am a very logical person (when I’m not hormonal), and desperately need structure in order to function. Without parameters or expectations, I flounder. I was the kid who colored in the lines, and wanted all my crayon strokes aligned in neat little rows. I make my bed every morning, and have all my pillows arranged the same way every night before I go to sleep. Can we say Perfectionist?

But don’t ask me to organize my closet. I get overwhelmed at the thought of creating order within chaos. For someone who craves structure so severely, I have a very hard time creating it for myself. Maybe that’s why I cling to it so much. It’s something I lack, but desperately need to survive.

At least I think I need it. All the physical training I’ve been doing this summer has helped move me from being in my “head” so much to being more in my body. In my movement and voice classes at Regent, I started becoming aware of how much our bodies are connected with emotion. I didn’t really believe it until my professor had us get up and start skipping around the room. Almost immediately we all started laughing and acting silly. When he had us stop, he asked us to describe what we experienced on an emotional level. We all expressed some kind of positive, happy state. We did the same thing with punching our fist on the table, and a very opposite emotional reaction occurred. It was very clear that for every physical action, there is a very real emotional response. Suzuki Training comes out of a similar idea, rigorously training our bodies in a very structured way so that an emotional life naturally follows. If you don’t believe me, try stomping for 3 minutes without stopping and see what happens.

I like this “outside-in” approach to acting because far too often I get stuck in my head, thinking about or analyzing my emotional state instead of just feeling. Feeling. You know, that ambiguous, sorta kinda, something-like-that sensation in your gut? The “warm fuzzies” don’t always agree with my Type-A personality. I like things that I can define and rationalize in my mind, but I’m learning that sometimes I can understand something better through my body. Like when a baby cries because she’s hungry. She doesn’t think to herself, “Huh. My stomach needs food right now.” She simply feels a pang of hunger, and her body automatically responds with a wail. I’m not suggesting a need to revert back to childlike behavior, but I do think there is something to be said for the “pang.”

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my training this summer has centered around physiological freedom. It’s exactly what I’ve needed in my acting process, but also in my personal life. It’s been good for me to get out of my comfort zone and have to relinquish some control. I think God’s trying to teach me a little more than just how to cry on cue. The perfectionist side of me would like to tell you that by the time I leave here I will have “arrived” at some greater level of achievement and understanding. And while I have definitely learned a great deal, the greatest lesson so far is that I am at the same time always and never where I need to be… and that is OK.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Libby in Action

Here's a group of Babes in Arms apprentices surrounding Surf and Sand Playhouse's co-owner Bunny Byron, played by Samantha Richert (middle). In this shot we are watching a fight between the two stars of The Deep North, "a play written, directed, and acted by Lee Calhoun... Mississippi's answer to Tennessee Williams." Mr. Fleming, Bunny's partner, decides to cancel the apprentices' review in favor of running Mr. Calhoun's play for a second week. At the risk of losing their jobs, the apprentices band together to save their careers and the future of the theatre.

Babes in Arms runs in the Unicorn Theatre at Berkshire Theatre Festival in Stockbridge, MA July 31-August 28. For ticket information, you can call the Box Office at (413) 298-5576 ext 33 or go online to www.berkshiretheatre.org.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Meet Libby

Here's a quick dressing room shot of me in my costume. Libby loves her green and white pin-striped jumper and bouncy curls!
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Opening Night Thoughts

To my regular blog followers, I apologize for the small hiatus from entries. It’s been a crazy tech week for Babes, with classes and rehearsals during the day and preview performances at night. Lunch and dinner are about the only breaks we get. When I come home at night, I have the choice to shower, sleep, or blog. Unfortunately, blogging hasn’t been at the top of my priority list.

With six preview performances down, tonight is the official Opening of Babes in Arms! We’ve gotten great feedback from our viewers so far, and seem to be hitting our target audience rather successfully. Our director, Gray Simons, has a very specific sense of humor that lends itself well to this classic Broadway musical. Babes is an over-the-top, happy-go-lucky show that will leave you feeling like life couldn’t get any better. Sometimes you just need to laugh, and that’s what Babes does well.

The idea of “larger than life” has been a recent theme of my thoughts lately. Musical theatre in general demands a heightened sense of reality that oversteps the bounds of most modern realism. (And by realism I mean the genre of theatre that is naturalistic and more true-to-life than say, melodrama.) I first began to grasp this idea while working on the role of Kathy Selden in Singin in the Rain during my first year at Regent. Early in the rehearsal process, I found myself approaching Kathy as if she was Arkadina in The Seagull. After two semesters of studying Chekhov and Meisner, it was the only method that seemed appropriate. My director kindly challenged me with the idea that musical theatre is not realism, but is in fact a completely different genre and should be treated as such. At first I took serious issue with this idea, believing that anything other than realism would simply not be believable. But after more discussion and thought, I began to see his point. After all, what is real about bursting into song and dance in the middle of the street? I don’t know about you, but that could only be normal for me in a world where the stakes are significantly higher than my everyday reality.

Working on Babes in Arms has reminded me a lot of Singin in the Rain, and Gray, much like my former director, has absolutely created a world of heightened reality. He has encouraged us to think of our individual roles as contributing to something bigger than ourselves. Our lines extend beyond the present circumstances into a future that is dependent on our choices now. Babes is very much about community and teamwork, so his request isn’t hard to acquiesce to. The world these characters live in is one much bigger than our own, and requires much more energy to survive. When speaking can no longer express a character’s thoughts, song takes over, and when there are no more words, dance.

I really appreciate the idea of striving toward something bigger than myself. It’s incredibly refreshing in a business where it’s “all about me.” It’s a good reminder that I am serving a Greater Good, both in the story and in my life. I love acting techniques that train you to focus on the other person or on something outside of yourself. It is way too easy to get wrapped up in what we like to call “actor thoughts” that take you out of the moment and back into yourself. It’s too easy to worry about what people think of your performance or to get self-conscious and afraid to try something new. Pride is the actor’s greatest enemy, whether we all acknowledge it or not.

The best actors in my opinion are the selfless ones, giving of themselves unconditionally and expecting nothing in return. Where there is no pride, there is no fear. This profession isn’t for divas and isn’t for pansies. It takes guts to be vulnerable, and that is why I keep coming back for more.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Cast Party!

It's so great to have Brandy Caldwell (Regent alum) here working on Macbeth. She is playing the role of Lady Macduff.

I enjoyed talking with Maureen Stanton (very generous patron of BTF) who threw our cast party. She is known around here as "The Countess."

Gray Simons, director of Babes in Arms!


A quick shot with Kristen (left, assistant to the director for Babes) and my roommate Zoe (middle).
Brittany Jo Sowards is a great friend here!





"Babes" cast pic with just the ladies! We are proudly joined by The Countess in the middle. (A few of us in the front thought this was supposed to be a silly picture. Apparently the girls in the back didn't get the memo.)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Half-Time Report

Yesterday marked the official half-way point of my apprenticeship at the Berkshire Theatre Festival. As Week 7 of 12 begins, we are in full throttle of the summer season. With two shows rehearsing and three shows in performance, there isn’t much down time here at BTF. It’s hard to believe that one week from today we start our preview performances for Babes in Arms!

Thankfully, the apprentices had Sunday off which was our first real day off in about two weeks. I enjoyed the day with my boyfriend Chris who came to visit for the weekend, spending most of the day in the nearby town of Pittsfield where we ate some really good food and saw a really good movie (Inception, anyone?) On Saturday evening we saw an amazing production of Richard III at Shakespeare and Company in Lenox, MA (about 10 minutes away), which was an absolute inspiration. There is just nothing like good theatre!

The sheer amount of (free) theatre that I am being exposed to this summer continues to be such a great asset to my education. It’s amazing what a solid performance by a gifted actor can teach you if you know what to look for. So many concepts and principles that I’ve learned in the last two years of my MFA training are made clearer by watching someone else flesh them out. I’m not sure why that is, but it’s usually far easier to recognize technique (either good or bad) in someone else than in myself.

But watching is what I do when I’m not busy, which is hardly ever. Most of my training here is hands-on and requires my full mental and physical energy. Dance rehearsals are getting longer, and the days are getting tougher. With class and rehearsals all day and various responsibilities in the evening, I find myself sleeping very well at night. :)

As I look toward these last six weeks, there is still much I want to accomplish. There are still a couple of books and many plays I’d like to read, several places I’d like to go, and a few people I’d like to get to know. I also have a lot of lines left to memorize because I found out yesterday that I’ve been assigned to understudy one of the principle characters in Babes in Arms. Then there’s my upcoming thesis lurking in the background, always beckoning me to more research. And if I can just get a few kinks worked out in my own self-discipline, I’ll be perfect! ;) I’m one of those people who have great intentions but horrible follow-through, so we’ll see how many of those things I’ll actually achieve.

In a lot of ways the past six weeks have gone by incredibly fast. In other ways it feels like forever. There are ups and downs to any apprenticeship, but I know that I’ll always cherish this time that I have spent at BTF. My ultimate goal (interestingly both on stage and off) is to make the most of each day, being fully present in the moment. Not living in the future, and not in the past, but in the now.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Maybe she's born with it?

So much of life is out of our control. Actually, all of it is when you think about it. How much power do we really have? Ultimately, I would submit none. You can do your part and try your best, but at the end of the day, someone else is calling the shots. That person could be a boss, a customer, a law enforcement officer, or a spouse. It could also be one of those wonderful inanimate objects like a stoplight, or a dead cell phone battery. Some might say those things are happenstance, but I beg to differ.

Now I’m not discounting the need for personal integrity. We should absolutely do what we can to be prepared, try our best, eat right, exercise, etc., etc. But ultimately there aren’t many things we can control. Now, you could run the stoplight or toss your cell phone out the window, but that won’t help your case at traffic court or to make a phone call. Whether we like it or not, we are all subject to a higher Authority.

I have been amazed lately at how quickly things can change, and how little I control them. One minute I’m at the top, the next I’m at the bottom. And usually I never see it coming. Variables can range anywhere from weekly job responsibilities to interactions with patrons in the parking lot. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s not so good. Even simple things like which role I get cast in, the place I’m assigned to stand on stage, or even my physical body and voice are all realities in my life that never ask for my opinion. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am very happy with my part in Babes in Arms, and I feel very blessed to have my petite stature and high soprano voice (usually). But my point is that I did nothing to deserve them.

I guess that fact is most apparent to me when I am unhappy with my circumstances, like when I feel entitled to a given thing and don’t get it, or when I feel slighted or insecure. That’s when I notice that I have no control. It’s easy to think that when I land a good role or get noticed by a supervisor it’s due to how amazing I am or because of something I did to merit the attention. The reality is that it has NOTHING to do with me at all. My steps are ordered.

I could have been born with a completely different voice, personality, and body type. I could have been raised in a completely different family with a completely different religion and completely different political views. But I wasn’t. Someone decided for me that I would be exactly as I am, exactly where I am, and exactly who I am at this very moment.

Again, I’m not suggesting that there is no accountability for our life choices. Certainly each of us has a free will (that often needs tempered.) But I am saying that just because I make a choice doesn’t mean that I can control the consequences. Just because I choose to exercise everyday doesn’t mean I’ll look like America’s Next Top Model. But it certainly could mean that my body will be developed to its full potential, whatever that looks like.

I’ve recently come to understand more clearly that my best won’t necessarily look like someone else’s. Just because I don’t get the blessing someone else gets doesn’t mean that I did something wrong. And just because I get a blessing, doesn't mean that I deserve it more than someone else. I personally believe all circumstances are determined by Someone far greater than our human minds can comprehend. Now even among the most sincere of Christians that point will be debated, but there are far too many “coincidences” that occur in my life for me to ever think otherwise. Too many unexpected blessings. Too many re-occuring lessons of patience. No, I am on a journey. One that has been planned for a very long time. And for that, I am very grateful.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

They call us babes in arms...

After day four of rehearsals for Babes in Arms, my aching legs and feet are thankful for a night off. It’s not even from the dancing, contrary to what you might think. Though I do get to tap in the show, so far the choreography hasn’t been that strenuous. My body aches this time have come from standing for hours on end, starting with Suzuki at 8am and then proceeding to blocking or dance rehearsals from 10-6pm. Monday and Tuesday was spent largely on music, which included learning and working the chorus numbers. Though I’m only in four songs, the music is catchy and really fun to sing. Many people don’t know that several hit songs such as “Where or When,” “I Wish I were in Love Again,” and “My Funny Valentine” come from this little tucked away musical by Rogers and Hart. A film version of the show features Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland, but the storyline is almost completely different from the stage production. Only two numbers from the original show were included in the film.

The adaptation we are producing at BTF tells the story of a young group of apprentices struggling to keep a New England theatre alive. With ticket sales rapidly depleting, they secretly decide to perform a revue of their own in order to help make ends meet. Snotty stars and stubborn producers get in their way, but eventually the determined youngsters perform for one of Broadway’s biggest producers. Oh yeah… and there’s a love story in there, too. ;)

We apprentices at the Berkshire Theatre Festival feel a special affinity for the apprentices at the Surf and Sand Playhouse in Babes in Arms. In many ways, our stories are very similar. We work really hard in exchange for room and board, we rehearse and perform in a red barn, and we work at a summer theatre in New England. Kinda makes character background sketches a bit superfluous, don’t you think?

Actually I’m having a blast with my character, Libby. She’s a joy to explore with her childish lisp and vigor for life. My friend Nick (who plays Bob) and I decided that he’s my older brother, because I’m always following him around. We spend a large portion of our time at the top of show “painting” the set. I’m up on a big, tall ladder while he braces the bottom and holds my paint can. It’s from there that I deliver my Juliet soliloquy, lisping my way all the way through it.

Even though I’m small in stature, I usually don’t get the opportunity to play a little kid. My professors say it’s because I don’t come across “young” on stage. I guess that’s a good thing. I mean, I wouldn’t want to ALWAYS play the kid, but it’s nice to get the chance once in a while. And for some reason, Libby and I just click. So far, she’s a bundle of joy that I keep getting to unwrap and play with. And when you have 40 performances of a show to look forward to, liking your part is a huge blessing.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

A Season of Learning

As I sit here writing this entry I am finishing a piece of blueberry apple pie from the Main Street Café in downtown Stockbridge. I must say, it is quite a delight and very appropriate for July 4th weekend. Since I’m spending the rest of my night and Sunday morning on a changeover, I allowed myself the indulgence in hopes of strengthening my spirits. (A changeover involves striking (or taking down) the current set and setting up the next in its place.) Tonight is closing night for K2, so the mountain side is coming down so that we can put up Endgame’s set for their upcoming preview on Tuesday. I’ve been assigned to Sound Crew, which I’m hoping is less physically demanding than the Carpentry Crew. I’m also glad that I haven’t been assigned to the Electric Crew because they work all through the night. I suppose my turn will come eventually, but I’ll take the blessings while I can.

I don’t know that much about sound design, so I am looking forward to learning more about it. Sound seems to be a pretty complicated animal from my limited experience. It’s one of those things that no one notices when it’s right, but everyone complains about when it’s wrong. And from what I hear, it’s tough to get right. I’m not sure why, but maybe after working with some pros tonight I’ll have a better idea.

And speaking of pros, can I just say how incredible it is to be able to watch Jayne Atkinson and Richard Easton rehearse for BTF’s upcoming show of The Guardsman? As an apprentice, I’m allowed to sit in on rehearsals of shows as long as the stage manager and director approve. I was a little overwhelmed as I watched these legendary talents in process just a few feet in front of me. They grabbed their water bottles, scripts, and props just like everybody else. They even called for “line” every now and then. As I sat there watching I couldn’t even write a single note down. I just wanted to take the whole thing in. Nothing seemed important enough to write and yet everything was completely invaluable all at the same time. While they rehearsed a run of ACT I, and I just sat and watched like a little school girl.

The longer I’m here the more I realize what an incredible opportunity I have been given here. While it may really stink to have to stay up all night tearing down and setting up sets, the benefits far out weigh the drawbacks. (I’ll try to remember to tell myself that when I’m in the middle of strike tonight!) The seasoned professionals that come through this place, both actors and non-actors alike, have so much insight to offer, and I want to soak up as much as I can from them. Whether that means observing them in rehearsal, attending a talk-back after a show, or stealing a few brief moments with them at an opening night party, I am determined to learn from the best. Who knows, maybe one day it’ll be me giving the lessons. :)

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Pics from K2


















Tim McGeever (left) and Greg Keller (right)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Real Deal

Today’s schedule provided a special Master Class with visiting actor, Tim McGeever. Tim is currently one of two actors in BTF’s production of K2 (a play about two men struggling to survive on the side of a mountain.) As a pretty successful working actor living out of NYC, he was able to share some invaluable information for those of us pursuing a life in theatre. We talked agents, auditions, Equity vs. Non-Equity, and lots of other various topics exciting to us aspiring professionals. We quizzed him about his Broadway work, how he got there, and what he does to make money when he’s not doing theatre. I found it very affirming to hear him say a lot of what I’ve already been told, either by professors or other industry professionals. Every time I hear about “the business” in NYC, it helps me feel a little less intimidated by it. It was fascinating to hear his personal story, and to glean tidbits of wisdom from someone who’s actually out there “doing it.”

Probably the most helpful information I got personally from his time with us was concerning his experience as an Audition Reader. An Audition Reader is the person in the audition room who sits with his/her back to the casting directors, and reads the script with the actor who is auditioning. I never even knew that job existed, but his advice was to land it if at all possible simply for the exposure. Being a Reader gets you IN the audition room, meeting all sorts of big-wigs, and then they get to hear YOU read over and over again for hours. Sounds like a pretty sweet gig to me!

Tim also encouraged us to give 100% to our Suzuki training. He’s also done some Suzuki work, and could relate to the rigorous demands of the discipline. His advice was to go toward the daily difficulty even when we didn’t feel like it because it will help us to go toward life’s difficulties later. If we train ourselves now to go when the going gets tough, we’re that much more likely to overcome future obstacles.

The more I’m around it, the more I realize that this business is all about relationships. In fact, Tim even said that today. The casting agents, directors, producers, working actors, and wish-we-were-working actors are real people like you and me. They have families, bills, health problems, etc. just like anybody else. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that when you have to work so hard to get their attention. In a world where “it’s all about me,” a selfless act can be difficult to surrender. So when a busy, Broadway, Juliard-trained actor comes to share two hours of his life with a bunch of eager acting apprentices, it means a lot.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Info Session at Panera

In case you know anyone in the Stockbridge area, I'm holding an Info Session tomorrow for anyone interested in attending Regent. I'll be at the Panera Bread in Pittsfield, MA from 4-5:30pm on Sunday, June 27 and also on Sunday, July 18. Free Panera for anyone who shows up!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Goalie

Obstacles: Mosquito bites. Aching feet and legs. Allergies, and hot sticky (and unpredictable) weather. Poor plumbing and limited food options don’t help anything either. These are daily obstacles that I am continually endeavoring to maneuver. There are also obstacles of a different nature like making friends, analyzing scenes, and writing blog entries, all of which take a significant amount of brain power and vulnerability. But it’s the extremely delicate obstacles that are the most difficult to navigate. By delicate I mean the ones that we don’t even like to acknowledge. You know like networking, or “schmoozing” if you will. The ultimate performance really happens off-stage when you’re in the “low” light. That is, if there’s someone there to notice. You have to learn to stand out in a crowd, and that’s tricky business. If you try too hard people can smell it a mile away, but if you don’t try at all, you’ll never get anywhere. It’s a tough line to walk, and definitely not one for the faint of heart.

I’ve always been a goal-driven person, even if I haven’t always acknowledged it. It occurred to me this evening that I tend to set subconscious goals for myself. Things that I would like to achieve or do, but never actually declare as an official objective. I don’t call it a goal because I’m afraid of not meeting it, but somewhere in the back of my mind it’s like an Energizer bunny, continually driving my choices. Then there are those things which I didn’t even realize were goals until I meet them, and I realize that’s what I wanted all along. I mean to some extent that’s normal, right? If we want something, we eventually figure out a way to get it. Actors do that all the time. On stage, I mean. Characters in a scene always have an objective, and it’s the actor’s job to figure out what that is and how to get it. The “drama” comes when the obstacles play Goalie.

I battle constantly between choices motivated by compassion or by selfishness. Am I talking to this person because I legitimately care about them, or because they can help me reach my goal? In this business it’s all about who you know, so the lines become blurred very quickly. I guess it’s not a bad thing to purposefully build relationships, and all relationships to some extent are give and take. But surely the world would be a much better place if we could all give of ourselves honestly to each other from a place of genuine love. For without Love, we are nothing.

So how do you “climb the ladder” without using people for their connections? How do you achieve your goals with integrity? Great question. And I’m not yet sure that I have the answer, but I do know that PERSPECTIVE is key. One thing that helps keep my priorities straight is remembering that God is the best agent a girl could ask for. Several years ago I distinctly remember discovering that I didn’t have to worry about meeting the right people or experiencing the right things, because He would direct my paths. If I just live the way that He’s called me to live, love the way He’s called me to love, and TRUST Him with the rest, I don’t need to worry about the obstacles. In fact, sometimes He puts them there for a reason. It’s my job to train, practice, be in shape, and ready to kick the ball, but if ultimately I’m not supposed to make the goal, it ain’t gonna happen. I’ve never really been much of a soccer player, but if God’s the Goalie, sign me up for the team.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Bottom of the Totem Pole

Lessons learned from today’s yard work:

1) Don’t sweep without gloves. You get blisters.
2) Team work makes any job seem less intimidating.
3) Compliments are good for morale.
4) Complaining doesn’t help you finish faster.
5) It’s nice when someone else bags up your pile of garbage.

Paying your dues. We all have to do it. Well, at least those of us who aren’t handed a career on a silver platter. It’s a good thing, really, when you think about it. You get to meet people in the business; bond with others who are in the same measly position as yourself. Usually, it’s those people who you’ll end up working with down the road. Get noticed, that’s what matters. At least that’s what actors are constantly hoping for. But sometimes you just gotta get your hands dirty.

Who knew that part of our tuition dollars would go toward clean-up duty at the theatre? While The Last 5 Years rehearsed for their upcoming Opening Night inside the nice air-conditioned auditorium, we apprentices raked, bagged, swept, mopped, weeded, and scrubbed the grounds and porch of Berkshire Theatre’s Main Stage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. It was a beautiful day, and the exercise was great. Hard labor produces character like nothing else. Besides, I got my first sunburn of the summer. (Don’t worry, it’s not that bad.)

When I came back from washing up, I passed by the open door to the main auditorium. It was too tempting not to peek, so I quietly stood in the back for a few minutes watching Jason Robert Brown’s musical masterpiece come to life. It was a tech rehearsal, so they were in full costume with the lights and sound. During one song, one of the actors was supposed to move the bed center stage, but it got stuck and he kind of fumbled a bit. A little laugh escaped under his song lyrics as he looked out to the director as if to say, “Sorry!” Somehow I was relieved to know that even professionals don’t get everything right the first time.

Being at the bottom of the totem pole may mean a few blisters on your hands, shoddy internet connection, and no AC. But when people like Katherine Hepburn, Christopher Plummer, Lionel Barrymore, Christopher Walken, and Dustin Hoffman have the Berkshire Theatre Festival on their resumes, it kind of makes it all worth it.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Method to my Madness

In case you were curious, I’ve posted the daily schedule from a typical day in the life of a BTF Apprentice. This was our itinerary this past Tuesday. Daily activities vary from day to day, but it’s a good example of what we do.

8:00-9:00am – Suzuki Training
9:00-10:30am –Yoga
11:00-12:00pm –Great Beyond Rehearsal or Independent Scene Work (The Great Beyond is one of the shows apprentices could be cast in. At this time I would be working on my scene because I’m not in The Great Beyond.)
12:00-1:00pm –Lunch
1:00-4:00pm – Great Beyond Rehearsal or Scene Work with Zohar
5:15pm –Front of House and Parking Orientation
6:30-7:30pm –Dinner
7:35-8:35pm – Lecture: Fundamentals of Fundraising and Development

Because my rehearsals for Babes in Arms haven’t started yet, the majority of my afternoons lately have been available for scene work. It’s been a good challenge for me to approach my scenes apart from a specific acting method because it forces me to apply what I’ve been spending all my money on at grad school. Naturally, most of my scene work at Regent serves as way to apply specific principles in effort to learn a certain acting technique. This is the first time since I’ve started grad school that it has been completely up to me to determine my own approach. It serves as good training for my upcoming thesis role, as I will be required to explore and document my own personal process. You know, the “mastered” part of a Master in Fine Arts. No pressure, right?

Surprisingly, so far I have largely been using tenants from Sanford Meisner’s technique. I say surprising only because I had no intention of using a particular “method” for my work. I simply found myself thinking about “key facts and phrases,” exploring impulses, and really being conscious of listening to my scene partner (all principles taught by Meisner). I’ve also done a little bit of “free associative writing,” which should make Dr. Kirkland (one of my Meisner instructors) very happy. I will also say (I’m sure much to the relief of another one of my professors, Eric Harrell) that I also have been very conscious of principles from Practical Handbook for the Actor. In my Scene Study class this past year, I never fully understood the concept of “playing an action” or “going after an objective.” I don’t know why, but typically I find that it’s the semester AFTER my class ends that things really begin to sink in.

My scene partner here at BTF, Nick, has also had some Meisner training, which is helping our rehearsal process a lot. He is familiar with the same terminology we use at Regent such as “pinch and ouch” or “working off the Other.” He suggested using an activity for our scene, which is a classic Meisner exercise in exploring a scenario. We decided to fold laundry together during the scene, which adds a great new element for our characters (husband and wife) to deal with while discussing a difficult subject matter.

I like “mixing the soup” of techniques. A little of this. A little of that. It’s true what they say: whatever works. One thing I’ve definitely decided: I hate rehearsing a scene before I’ve memorized the text. It has become so clear to me that I am simply no good with a script in my hand. I knew that prior to this week, but for some reason it really hit home this time. It makes me want to be off-book for every rehearsal from now on. Not sure if that will actually happen, but it’s a great goal, huh?

If I’ve completely lost you in all the acting lingo, I apologize. I assure you that is not at all my intention. But for those of you who want a taste of my recent “de jour,” this is a good helping. If it’s not your favorite flavor, I understand. Sometimes I need a pallet cleanser myself.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Lucky

Tired. Sore. A little warm. The faint taste of ‘birthday cake’ ice cream lingering on my tastebuds. Content, yet lonely for the familiar. At least that’s what I feel right now. I just got back from a trip to Lucky’s, a local ice cream parlor with amazing soft serve, hard serve (aka hand dipped for those of us from the south), and frozen yogurt. Though I just had ice cream yesterday, I decided to take advantage of an outing with other apprenti (that’s the plural form of apprentice) in hopes of bonding and potential conversation. The excursion proved fun and rewarding as I was able to talk with a few people whom I had not yet had the opportunity, as well as eat a mountain of ‘coffee’ and ‘birthday cake’ frozen goodness. After almost two weeks of Suzuki, and a session of Zoomba today with the girls, I figured I was allowed a few extra calories. (Don’t worry, Mom. I won’t eat ice cream every day.)

We’re only into Week 2 of 12 for the BTF Summer Performance Training, but I’m not the only one who feels like it’s already been a month. I think it’s been a big adjustment for everyone here, only some hide it better than others. There’s always more to people than meets the eye. Cliché I know, but it’s easy to forget that when everyone around you seems happy and adjusted. But the more I talk with people, the more I find out their real stories. Underneath the tough outer shell lies deep longing for acceptance and love. Amid the laughter and smiles there are scars from broken homes, deceased parents, cancer victories, and past relationships.

It’s not all murky swamp underneath the surface, though. Some people have an incredible sense of humor, or a unique musical ability. Everyone has life experiences that are interesting and completely different from my own. I find that people enjoy being listened to. So far I’ve done a lot of listening. Sometimes I’ll ask a question. Sometimes I don’t have to. But listening is one way I’m finding to connect with people, and hopefully show them love.

People are built for relationships. It’s what we were designed for. Without relationships, or perhaps I should say without healthy relationships, we scramble for identity. I sensed this very distinctly the night Christopher left Stockbridge to go back to Virginia Beach. As I watched him walk through the sliding doors of the airport, fear immediately gripped me. It occurred to me that the disorienting loneliness I felt at that moment is part of why there are so many broken relationships in the world. When people are desperate to be loved, they will throw themselves at whoever (or whatever) will have them.

I think I needed to be at that place. I needed to grapple for identity. I needed to feel the darkness of seclusion to drive me to the Light. In Suzuki this morning my instructor encouraged us to “go toward the difficulty” because “pain teaches us something about ourselves.” Fallen existence necessarily brings hardship. At the risk of sounding masochistic, I am somehow thankful for the breach in comfort. Without pain, I would never need. I would never have to rely on Someone greater than myself. I would never know the joy of salvation, even in the mundane. My Suzuki instructor says that sometimes we have to go the extreme of a situation in order to make a discovery. And I am discovering a lot about myself.

I’m discovering increased discomfort in my heels, but I’m learning to breathe into the pain. The more I stomp, the less it hurts. I’m learning to release tension instead of hold it, and not to beat myself up when I fail. I’m discovering a lack of patience, and less discipline than I thought I had. I’m learning to write down my thoughts before I forget them, and how to schedule my time more effectively. I’m learning more about my acting process and how to approach scene work. I’m learning how to interact with people who are very different from myself, and how to find common ground with them. I’m learning when (and where) to shower, and how much to eat at meals so that I’m not hungry later. But most of all I am learning just how blessed I am, to be here and to possess all the life experiences that I’ve had thus far.

As painful as it is to be away from everyone I know and love, this time spent elsewhere only makes me love them more. Being on my own makes me rely so much more on God’s grace to get me through, a dependency which is always there, but not always on the conscious level. I am confident that this summer is already impacting the rest of my life for the better. I truly am, Lucky.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Friends from Regent!

Derek and Jennifer Martin came to visit on Sunday! We drove down into the little town of Great Barrington, and had great pizza and great ice cream! We also went to the Norman Rockwell museum right here in Stockbridge. Walking around the museum gave me all kinds of profound thoughts bound to show up in a blog entry sometime soon. :) Bottom line: Art is good for the soul, but friends are even better.
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After Day Six of Suzuki

I've decided that this will be my last foot log entry. Much to my disappointment there has been no colorful evidence of my foot trauma, and thus I will cease tantalizing you with useless monotony. Believe me, if there is any change you will be the first to know.
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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Just FYI...

My apologies for the delay in posting the daily feet log. The internet here is really moody, so I have to take advantage of it when it works. One of the lovely perks to apprentice-living. :)

After Day Five of Suzuki


I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to bruise at all. At this point, stomping still hurts but the pain is going away quicker and quicker after each session.

My roommate Zoe!


Zoe and I get along great. We are the two oldest apprentices, and we both like our sleep. :) I'm looking forward to getting to know her this summer. Check out Facebook for a picture tour of where we live and stomp!

After Day Four of Suzuki


No visable bruising, but I can feel them under the surface.

After Day Three of Suzuki

Nada.
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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

After Day Two of Suzuki Training

Still no bruising, but heels are definately tender.
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After Day One of Suzuki Training


A little sore, but nothing to show for it.

A Refuge in Time of Trouble

Proof that God loves me: A Dunkin Donuts open til 10pm with free WiFi access courtesy of the motel next door. And the best part? No one knows about it but me! Well, no one from BTF that is. This little refuge is Lee, Massachusetts’s best kept secret. It’s a little out of the way from the Lavan Center (where we live), but definitely worth the short drive. This may not sound like a big deal to you, but Heaven only knows what a salve it is to my soul. When every coffee shop in the little town of Stockbridge closes at 5pm, I needed somewhere to escape after dinner. Who knew that solitude would be so hard to come by? Maybe I’m more of an introvert than I realized, but living, eating, sleeping, stomping, and “chilling” with 25 BTF apprentices 24/7 (most of which are still in college) is a bit more overwhelming than I expected. I’m remembering now why I moved off campus my last two years of undergrad.

It’s amazing how vulnerable and alone you can feel in a room full of people. I’ve experienced this feeling before, many times actually. Various and frequent moves throughout my childhood taught me how to make friends in new places quickly. But a season of loneliness (usually painful) always precedes new friendship. Time has a way of taking care of things, though. It’s kind of like magic. I don’t know how it works, but it amazes me every time.

One thing’s for sure. Never have I been more thankful for my Regent family. I knew from the moment I stepped on campus that I belonged there. From day one, I felt a connection with people that seemed to transcend time. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but after just a few weeks I felt like I had known my friends forever. Even now on days I want to kill them (figuratively, of course) I still love them like family.

Having stepped away from them for a summer, I realize now that connection was a common worldview. Regent is a place where faith-minded artists come together for the common purpose of creating redemptive art. I didn’t realize how unique that was until I came here. Having gone to both a Christian undergrad and now Christian grad school, I have been surrounded with people who all have a deep awareness of the One True God. We may not always agree on everything, but at least we have Christ in common. It’s amazing how even a simple thing like awareness makes all the difference in being able to communicate. That’s one thing my Suzuki training is teaching me. Suzuki demands absolute awareness and control of the body, mind, and breath. It requires razor sharp focus and an incredible amount of stamina. Kinda sounds like the Narrow Road, huh?

I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. I am so glad that I am here. The first day of class I felt overwhelmed with peace and deep joy as I took in all the richness that the summer holds. I know this is where I am supposed to be. There are very specific reasons I wanted to come here, and I’m confident there are even more specific reasons that God wants me here. The training is already proving itself worth all the time, energy, money, and sheer will power to get here. I’m just experiencing some normal, albeit inconvenient, culture shock. Fortunately, I have my chocolate iced donut, Bible, and America’s Favorite Coffee to keep me company in the mean time. :)

Monday, June 7, 2010

First photos from the summer

Check out my recently uploaded photos on Facebook! You can find them in the "Welcome to Massachusetts" album on my Facebook page entitled "Hannah's Journey Through the Berkshires." (The pic above is the album cover.) I'll be adding more photos to the album throughout the summer, so stay tuned! I'll also be uploading videos as soon as I can work out the technical difficulties.

Pre-Suzuki Training


Quick Start

6/l7/10

I only have a few minutes before my next class starts, but I wanted to at least establish the fact that I am indeed safe, sound, and settled (sort of) into the 2010 Summer Performance Training Apprentice Program at the Berkshire Theatre Festival. It’s been a whirlwind so far (hence no blogging yet) but fear not, I will share more details soon. Just a few quick highlights: I’ve already lost, found, and dried out my cell phone which got rained on when I lost it out in the parking area. My roommate is great (praise God!), very easy going, and laid back. I did bring enough storage space and clothes (it’s cold here). The housing facilities are not ideal, but definitely liveable for three months. (Anna, you weren’t kidding when you said I’d be roughing it!) I’m the oldest one in the apprentice program (to my knowledge), and the only graduate student. I got cast in the summer musical Babes in Arms (hallelujah!) I love my classes so far, and can’t wait to dive in!

Speaking of which, I need to go stretch for Suzuki. By the way, I’ve decided to keep a photo log of my feet for the first couple of weeks of Suzuki training. I’ve been warned that the bottoms of my feet will bruise at first, so I thought I’d do a little documentation of the process. (Hope you aren’t too grossed out by feet!)

Until next time….. :)

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Decisions... decisions...

Decision-making is not my forte. Unfortunately, I find that most days in life require choices. Like what outfit to wear, or whether or not to stop at Starbucks on my lunch break. Sometimes they’re more important, like whether to watch LOST or American Idol. Believe it or not, as simple as these decisions sound, any one of them will cause a slight increase of my heart rate. It is not unusual for me to spend a good two minutes just trying to decide what I want from Chic-fil-a, and I practically have their menu memorized. So when it comes down to making major life-decisions, just put up your feet and stay awhile cause we ain’t goin’ no where fast.

So…. Should I go to Walmart to get the remaining items on my “To Purchase” list, or spend time with my friends one last time before leaving. Should I rehearse my monologues or pack my room? All of them important, but which takes precedence? Now the perfectionistic, quasi-OCD person that I am is already starting to stress out over not knowing what to do first. But thankfully the voice of reason (a far too distant friend) is gently reminding me that somehow everything that needs to get done, will. My life (particularly that in higher education) has taught me that while there may not be enough time in a day to get everything done, there is time enough. So the bigger question comes down to which is most important ultimately? My dad has always encouraged me to look at what he calls the “bigger picture.” He suggests that when making a decision, the longer down the road you can look, the better decision you will make. Ultimately, what will matter most in eternity?

Now unfortunately that philosophy doesn’t help much when deciding whether to put my underwear in my suitcase or in my storage drawers. Organization has never been my specialty, probably for the same reason that it’s hard for me to make quick decisions. But I do think that if God wants to be a part of every single aspect of our lives, or perhaps I should say if He wants us to acknowledge that He is a part of every single aspect of our lives, everything we do can have eternal significance. You may be tempted to think that a simple decision to go to Walmart or to go bowling with your friends has little eternal significance, and maybe you’d be right. But I guess the point is whether or not we involve God in the decision-making process. Does God care about which drawer I put my hair dryer in? I don’t know. But I do know that He knows the number of hairs on my head. So you tell me.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Great Expectations

Eight days from now I’ll be leaving for the Berkshires. It’s still hard for me to believe that I’ll be gone for 12 weeks. I think a part of me doesn’t quite believe that it’s happening. There’ve been so many things that have had to fall into place in order for me to go, that I think I’ve been a little de-sensitized to the anticipation of it all. My wonderful boyfriend Christopher asked me the other day if it had sunk in yet that I was leaving. (The fact that he asked the question let me know that it had been on his mind.) I had to reply that it really hadn’t yet. I don’t think it’ll hit me until I get there. But I have this inkling that when it hits me, it’s gonna hit really hard.

I hate good-byes. Anyone who knows me well knows that. Christopher will tell you that even a simple goodnight is one of the most challenging tasks of my day. Even when I was a little girl I would cry watching grandparents drive away, or loved ones take off at the airport. My mom will tell you that I can’t say goodbye to the knick-knacks on my shelf that someone brought me from Mexico when I was six, or the years of past thank you notes buried in my desk drawer. There’s just something about letting go that I find extremely difficult.

But it’s not like I’m leaving forever. Good grief, it’s only three months. (At least that’s what I tell myself when I start to feel the growing knot in my stomach.) But a lot can happen in three months. In fact, I’m hoping a whole lot does happen. There’s something about the thought of these coming weeks that I find incredibly intriguing. As much as I don’t like the idea of leaving the comfort of my friends and familiarity, I find myself craving the promising adventure that lies ahead. But oddly enough, most of my expectations for the summer involve, not Berkshire, but my journey with God.

I find myself longing for time to be alone with Him, in a place that is unfamiliar and out of the routine. I’m hoping that He will meet me there in a way that I have never yet experienced. Sometimes it’s simply a change of pace that can allow for fresh insight. My experience as an artist has taught me that. Countless times in a creative block simply taking my mind off of the subject matter has enlightened my understanding. A friend once suggested taking a shower when I needed a break from writing a paper, explaining that washing your hair helps stimulate creativity. I’m not sure if that’s true, but that’s kind of how I feel about the summer. I need to wash my hair.

Maybe it’s the idea of being left behind that makes goodbyes the hardest. It doesn’t matter what side of the journey you’re on, whether you’re coming or going goodbye means separation. But if there weren’t goodbyes then there couldn’t be hellos. I’m excited for the many hellos headed my way this summer. I hope I’ll hear them from both future friends and from visiting ones. I also hope to hear them from myself as I learn more about this thing called acting. But I mostly hope to hear them from the Original Artist, as we journey together through the Berkshires.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Newbie

First entry as an official blogger. Talk about pressure. It's gotta be quick and clever or I won't keep your attention, right? If it's not witty and concise I might convince you that I would be boring to follow. It's amazing how intimidating a computer screen becomes all of a sudden. No automatic grammar notifications to keep me accountable for my supposed graduate level writing proficiency. Word never felt so far away. Anything I write is at the mercy of the public eye.

Public and private take on whole new meanings.

To those who would follow my humble meanderings this summer, I thank you. To those who decide you have better things to do, I don't blame you. But whether you visit my blog again or not, I won't take it personally. Just know that God knows if you don't. ;-)