Goalie

Obstacles: Mosquito bites. Aching feet and legs. Allergies, and hot sticky (and unpredictable) weather. Poor plumbing and limited food options don’t help anything either. These are daily obstacles that I am continually endeavoring to maneuver. There are also obstacles of a different nature like making friends, analyzing scenes, and writing blog entries, all of which take a significant amount of brain power and vulnerability. But it’s the extremely delicate obstacles that are the most difficult to navigate. By delicate I mean the ones that we don’t even like to acknowledge. You know like networking, or “schmoozing” if you will. The ultimate performance really happens off-stage when you’re in the “low” light. That is, if there’s someone there to notice. You have to learn to stand out in a crowd, and that’s tricky business. If you try too hard people can smell it a mile away, but if you don’t try at all, you’ll never get anywhere. It’s a tough line to walk, and definitely not one for the faint of heart.

I’ve always been a goal-driven person, even if I haven’t always acknowledged it. It occurred to me this evening that I tend to set subconscious goals for myself. Things that I would like to achieve or do, but never actually declare as an official objective. I don’t call it a goal because I’m afraid of not meeting it, but somewhere in the back of my mind it’s like an Energizer bunny, continually driving my choices. Then there are those things which I didn’t even realize were goals until I meet them, and I realize that’s what I wanted all along. I mean to some extent that’s normal, right? If we want something, we eventually figure out a way to get it. Actors do that all the time. On stage, I mean. Characters in a scene always have an objective, and it’s the actor’s job to figure out what that is and how to get it. The “drama” comes when the obstacles play Goalie.

I battle constantly between choices motivated by compassion or by selfishness. Am I talking to this person because I legitimately care about them, or because they can help me reach my goal? In this business it’s all about who you know, so the lines become blurred very quickly. I guess it’s not a bad thing to purposefully build relationships, and all relationships to some extent are give and take. But surely the world would be a much better place if we could all give of ourselves honestly to each other from a place of genuine love. For without Love, we are nothing.

So how do you “climb the ladder” without using people for their connections? How do you achieve your goals with integrity? Great question. And I’m not yet sure that I have the answer, but I do know that PERSPECTIVE is key. One thing that helps keep my priorities straight is remembering that God is the best agent a girl could ask for. Several years ago I distinctly remember discovering that I didn’t have to worry about meeting the right people or experiencing the right things, because He would direct my paths. If I just live the way that He’s called me to live, love the way He’s called me to love, and TRUST Him with the rest, I don’t need to worry about the obstacles. In fact, sometimes He puts them there for a reason. It’s my job to train, practice, be in shape, and ready to kick the ball, but if ultimately I’m not supposed to make the goal, it ain’t gonna happen. I’ve never really been much of a soccer player, but if God’s the Goalie, sign me up for the team.